Bakwas Bandh Karo

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Oct-25]

2009-10-25T09:01:00.003+05:30

Strategy Implementation

Prof pointed out that the country manager for detergent reports directly to the Europe Product Category president and Europe Geography president. There remained a row of product category VP’s in between unaccounted for.

Student : Why do we need the VP’s ??

** Class ROTFL ***

Prof : ** Stumped ** well.. umm.. They have their own responsibilities !!!!!

[Gee ... was this so hard to figure out .... hopefully you have taken notes my friend .. revise them before induction program ... you wouldnt want to go and ask this question to the VP of your organization]

** Class ROTFL **

Pre-placement Talk

CEO: What is Luxury ?

Student: Luxury is **blah**

CEO: What is **blah** ? [Hoping for a deeper insight]

Student: **blah** is luxury [What a profound observation and application of classroom learnings A= B therefore B=A]

**** Everyone ROTFL ****

Rankings

1. A supposedly leading business magazine rates a well-known college very low and criticizes the college. They were so engrossed in their enlightening comprehensive research, I am surprised how it did not tell them anywhere to atleast get the name of the college correct ? Latest rumors tell me that they are planning to cash in on this brilliance and package that book from now on as a ready-to-use handbook on "How not to do your survey" and a limited collector's edition of "How to get your facts wrong"

2. Respondent 1: [Case-prep overdose]

The issue is serious. Such serious misrepresentation by ** magazine ** calls for Authorities to take up serious actions. [Introducing the framework]

Its worth not building a brand if you can’t defend it !!! [Justifying the framework]

The question is not about pondering where we can be better, but take them on.

We need to remember that perceptions of common people are based upon

Such reports by popular magazines to a large extent, esp. in cases where they do not know much ! [building the framework]

We got 2 options after this.

a. Keep quiet and let it go (as we always do) [words in bracket are with regards to all case-prep handbook guidelines]

b. Send strong feedback to **magazine** , asking for printed apology on misrepresented facts !!

[Typical consultant style conclusion: rhetorical bullshit]

3. Respondent 2: [Economist response - modern version of pravachan baba) ]

Confucius say…”Do not use cannon to shoot sparrow”

[Our photography club president would disagree with you and say "Cannons are very good cameras .. they can shoot flying objects better because of high-resolution lenses"]

4. Respondent 3: [A typical marketing response - if you cant convince them .. confuse them]

Whether we should take it seriously and do something or keep quiet – the decision needs a lot of deliberations. [start with generic bullshit]

MCC and the authorities should setup a meeting to discuss on this, and then after exploring all the options and evaluating the pros and cons, should decide to take the best action. [build on bullshit]

My point is, the final decision could be either of the above, but a serious meeting should be held to discuss the issue [paraphrase opening line for punch effect]

[Kotler would have farted in his sleep if he saw such jargon-packed bullshit filled response]

5. Respondent 4 [A typical IT dude response]

We should immediately

1. Contact ** magazine** to find out on what basis they made such a decision. Ask them to revise if they believe that it was biased. [Understand the customer's requirements]

2. If they actually believe ** college** stands **rank** amongst B-Schools, then bring their representatives onto campus and show case our facilities, quality of student, faculties, professor research etc which at this point is far superior than most of the other schools above in the list. [Validate his requirements]

3. Make them understand the important fact that the ** other colleges** have had the chance to lead Indian B-Schools in the international platform for decades and have failed to make an impression globally, something which ** college ** has done in less than 10 years. While we are targeting getting into the top 10 b-schools in a global platform, it is essential that the domestic media shows consistency of support in that direction, at least publish what is due. [Deliver his requirements]

I don’t see staying silent an option in this. As said above if we are targeting broader platforms, it is essential to ensure the same consistency of results in the local platform.

[Only a IT dude can bring all discussions to platforms]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Oct-19]

2009-10-19T21:34:00.003+05:30

Marketing Research

Prof: Will the data regarding beer sales across 3 years be useful as secondary data for soft drink companies?

Student: Yes. As they can predict the sales of cold drinks that go with beer.

[Pause as the prof considers this insight]

Prof: Well, no one actually mixes Pepsi with beer.

[Class ROTFL .... discovery of a new market]

Marketing Workshop

Instructor is interrupted mid-sentence ...

Student: Are you going to upload this ppt on the blackboard or do I have to take notes?

[Yup .. the answer to all problems of humanity .. the central repository of all knowledge: The Blackboard]

Another Course

Prof: As per my back of the hand envelope calculations ...

[What a back hand ... ]

Study Trek

1. Venue: XYZ Oil company

Student: Do you have a tie-up with Madras Refinery Limited ??

** Official stumped **

2. Venue: Meeting with Ex-XYZ country PM

Student: Since legalizing Prostitution has tourism gone up?

[Next time to encourage more such people to come to XYZ, stupidity will have to be legalized]

3. Venue: XYZ Tourism Board - Official from XYZ Flier [giant wheel]

Student: Do you have any plans of setting up the same in India?

Official: No. Why would we? I am from "XYZ TOURISM BOARD" [Duh !!]

Student: There is huge market potential and you'll make money

4. Venue: XYZ Cements

Student: What openings do you have for Entry Level Chemical Engineer ?? [ A B-school has lots of them]

** Official stumped **

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Jun-16]

2009-06-16T18:47:00.004+05:30

Section A

Global Eco class is on and the Prof is explaining about alpha, factor of productivity and a student asks why alpha doesn’t change and after a long discussion between the prof and the student, the student is has discovered something.

Student: Sir, but alpha will change if there is a genetic evolution !! [Eureka !!]

Section B

Prof: So do you think that any firm can replicate Ducati's brand perception ?

Student: Yes Sir. They can.

Prof: How can they? Ducati has a feel of style and performance which is reflective of Italian culture. The World of Ducati symbolizes that in some sense.

Student: Even Japanese can. They can copy it by having Shaolins and Samurais

** Prof Stumped **

Section C

1. Prof: Does any of you have twins?

** Class Silent **

Prof: Ok, who has a small kid?

Class:

Student (Shouting the question across the class to the student who is “dad”): How old is your kid?

** Class ROFL **

Section H

1. Prof (tired of Arbit CP) : Sorry X we are running out of time i'll listen to your point in the break, unless it is really important.

Student (Heart broken): Ok Sir.

Prof(trying to be funny) Oh come on I was just joking, we would like to hear your point, did you think I was serious ...

Student:- I am not sure sir, I haven’t calibrated your sense of humor yet.

** Class ROFL **

2. Student giving arbit gyaan about what parameters he is using to distinguish the cold drinks, color looks like coke, but tastes like pepsi…. Blah blah

Madam: Just make a choice and go....

** Class ROFL **

3. Madam:- Explaining that the volunteer needs to identify the drink.

Student (stumped) Can I taste the cold drink to make the choice.

** Class ROFL **

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Jun-11]

2009-06-12T04:01:00.002+05:30

Section A

1. Student 1 gestures to student 2 (who is an ardent fan of stats Prof) to do some CP in the class while Prof is looking towards the board and writing a equation. Student 2 shows him the middle finger. By this time Prof has turned back and is facing student 2 ** FML **

2. Student in class getting bored. Leans behind to get comfortable … leans more .. leans more … finally his world is turned upside down (The chair gave in … heads on the floor and feet in the air) ** Class ROFL **

Section B

1. Class extension phone starts ringing. Prof irritated. Picks up and keeps the receiver. Phone rings again. Prof gets more irritated. Tries keeping the receiver down again. Phone rings again. Prof gets mad. Tries to take out the phone line. Student 1 in the meanwhile "Sir, why dont you pick the call" ** Class ROFL **

2. Prof teaching about Total Factor Productivity. Shows calculation for US in the slide.

Student: "Why about the non-Residual Labour?"

** Prof stumped because student had by oversight seen Residential as Residual **

Section C

1. Student opened her Laptop for DMOP class…and loud came the music (actually very loud!!)…which continued for the next 1 min since she couldn’t stop it…and she kept on saying sorry (rather than trying to shut the music down)…Prof commented whether she also expected everyone to start dancing!! ** Class ROFL **

Section F

1. Prof: Are you just telling me Hi or do you have a question?

Student asks a question which was being explained just then.

Prof: Welcome to Class. This is what I was just talking about. I do understand that its early morning. But please try to stay awake. ** Class LTAO **

Section G

1. After tasting of the cola drinks by 9 students the prof. says that first glass contained Coke, the 2^nd contained Thums Up and the 3^rd contained Pepsi and no one got it right.

The max anyone got right was 50% and that too just once in my 10 years of teaching experience.However in the US the success rate is slightly higher since Cola drinking culture is a bit more predominant there than India.

Student (Returned only physically from the US but left his soul behind and is still completely in love with the US) – But in US they don’t have Thums Up so how did they recognize that? [Trick question?]

Prof - We used a different cola drink there drink there !! ** Class ROFL **

2. Prof – In the US people don’t drink bottled water because it is safe but because it is convenient. There even tap water is safe unlike in India.

Student trying to make sure everyone knows he is Amreeka returned – Maa’m, but in Phoenix the tap water isn’t very safe!

** Prof stumped **

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Jun-09]

2009-06-09T21:01:00.004+05:30

Section B

Prof: ** turns to student ** You have a question ?

Student: No sir

Prof: I thought you raised your hand.

student: Sir, I did but I was making the Demand curve

** Class ROFL **

Section E

1. Prof: So what should Coke and Pepsi do to increase market share in the world ?

Student 1: Positioning…bla bla bla…branding…bla bla…..Most importantly, I think coke should redesign its packaging, for example coke can be sold in tetra packs (similar to the Frooti Pack)

** Class bursts into laughter **

Student 2: But dude, cola drinks cannot be sold in Tetra Packs as the Fizz will go out

Student 1: Ok, then we can sell it in plastic pouches and carry bags

**** Silence J ! ****

2. Prof asks a few students to taste 3 drinks and find out which one is Pepsi and which one is coke

Student 1 : I think the first one is Pepsi, second one is coke, but the third one is totally Disgusting (Hey I didn’t know they produced a disgusting brand too)

Student 2 : ahh…hmmm…The first one is Dr. Pepper, second one is mixture of Pepsi and coke (Wah ! What an observation) and third tastes like Thumbs up (actually, I forgot to brush my teeth before coming to the class)

3. Student asks question to prof : Sir, what if the Linear programming is mixed with Collinearity !!!! and straight regression !!!! and we fit in a Molecular model !!!!!! to this ?

Professor : Sorry ? I didn’t get your question ?

Class bursts into laughter

Student : What I mean to say is : Collinearity @#$%^ and straight regression ^&* and a Molecular model @@@

Professor : I think we have reached Term 2 (Wake up)

One for the batch

1. This guy tried to dunk one of the quadies of the birthday boy. He didn’t seem to realize that the person,(the quady), was almost twice his weight. Over to that this guy carried his fully loaded wallet and an I-phone for the dunking session. The moment this heavy guy goes into the pool, the momentum drags our very own volunteer into the pool, drenching his I-phone and the wallet. Any suggestions on how to get the phone back in working condition?

2. Best usage of a "Reply to All" - Resume for the Honour code committee

3. The new terror on student_general: Mr. Salute who says "I appreciate your team spirit" to all who abuse the "Reply to All" button

Shit Happens in our Village

1. What's the difference between a non-SV4 guy and a bucket of manure?

Ans: The bucket

2. Historically the price of gobar is based on the weight, so one may think of it as a SRM with a positive linear slope.

(price of Gobar) = b0 + b1 (Weight of Gobar).

But we are missing out on a huge lurking variable. Lets dig a bit deep into the context, Gobar is used as a manure, so the Quality of Gobar should also be considered to produce a good harvest.

Thus

price of Gobar = b0 + b1(Weight of Gobar) + b2(Quality of Gobar in use).

This makes for a MRM.

Now the Quality of Gobar can also be modeled with regression. Remember, going by context Quality depends on Type of Animal’s Gobar we are using (probably horse in this case) and the health of the horse(he should not be suffering from constipation).

Thus, we can safely say that:

Quality of Gobar = b’0 + b’1(Type of Animal) + b’2(Health of animal).

Now we have reached that Price of gobar is infact more than a simple MRM it is Multiple MRM.

[What a teaching from a simple piece of shit and we thought it was just gobar]

3. Gobar ki gandh se aaj mujhe apna gaon yaad aayaa…

Vidhata ne mujhe apne gaon se door kiya

Aur maine yeh __________ ka ________ paayaa

Gaon lautne ki bebas chaah kehti hai-

Gaon se door is gaon ko poori tarah sajaayaa jaye..

Sirf gobar hi kyon, ek Gaushala bhi sthaapit ki jaye

Bhor ki bela mein…

Karnamrit ka paan ho jab Gau mata rambhaaye

Brahmanand ka anubhav ho jab doodh waalaa bhayya aas paas ke chhatra gaon mein gayya charaaye

Fir sirf hamaara hi gaon kyon, aas paas ke gaon mein bhi saundhi gobar ki gandh failaye ;)

Kadachit isi tarah vatavaran susajjit ho paaye…

Par samay balwaan hai, ghor samasya hai, kathin tapasya hai, yahaan to har ratri amavasya hai L

Sabhi gop gwaalaaon se yahi nivedan hai

Chunki sabhi ka apne gaon jaane ka man hai

Hriday mein shaanti ke pushp sanjoye jaayein

Aao, Gaon se door is chhatra gaon ko poori tarah sajaayein…

4. Am sure that with the manure, end term frustration is playing a big part in this……

Whats the similarity between Gobar and exams….

- They both stink

- People try to run away from both

- Life is cool after exams and green after gobar

- You never realized when the horse came and dropped the shit and till today u never realized that the exams are here

5. Think of the song “Dilbar Dilbar” starring Sushmita Sen….

NOW read on….

Gobar Gobar Gobar

Hoooo…. Gobar Gobar Gobar

Badboo hai Sadan hai

Behka mera mann hai

SV mein pada jabse Gobar

Mere SV mein pada jabse Gobar

Gobar Gobar Gobar

6. ghoda’s dilemma…

ghoda cannot do dosti with ghaas…

but ghass is pallofying on its “tukda”

but if ghoda does dosti with ghaas, no more tukda..

if no more tukda no more ghaas..

no more ghaas means no more ghoda…

problem solved..

go ask the ghoda to make friends with the ghaas !!!!

7. Student 1: Please stop this shit

Student 2: Well.. apparently… its not us who did this shit !!!

8. Now SV 4 ranks # 1 in FT’s gobar rankings

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-29]

2009-05-29T21:57:00.004+05:30

Section B

1. Prof: what are the leading indicators that the job market will be good when you pass out?

Student: It is a cyclical cycle [next b-plan cycle ki dukan]

** Class ROFL**

2. Prof: ** Discussing Corporate investments ** So it will be Cash Debit. Can anyone say what will be on the credit side?

Student: Sir, I think it will be Cash

Prof: ** Stumped ** How can I debit cash and credit cash too?? We are not talking about Satyam here !!

** Class ROFL **

3. Prof: ** Discussing about something and then giving examples **

Student : One such example is when we had this disease Chicken Hundi [and I thought it was a dish] ** He meant Chikungunya **

4. Prof: Give me one example of a business where Buyer has more info than Seller !

Student: ** violently gesturing with hands and blabbering **

Prof: ** picking on him ** You dont get ideas just because you go blah blah and simply keep moving your hands

** Class breaks out into laughter **

SoapBox

1. Candidate: This council is student body driven. It cant be a one-man army [at this point he saw President - Naari Swatantrata in the crowd frowning] .. it cant be one-women army too !

Day Zero: OIC director gets cracking

1. Student: My Quad is having a problem with my water heater

[OIC]: I think your quad should resolve its problem with Water heater amicably. Let them be mature & not get into fights.

2. Student: I have a problem with my leaking flush. What should I do?

[OIC]: Whatever you do, dont p*ss in the flush tank

3. Student: I have a rat in my living room.

[OIC]: Switch on the TV. Maybe it wants to watch "Ratatouille".

4. Student: What can I do about snakes?

[OIC]: For starters, Charm it.

5. Student: My AC is not working

[OIC]: I guess your AC is too lazy ! Align your incentives ! It'll work !

6. Student: I have a problem with my study table

[OIC]: Approach the Counselling Services. Only they can resolve personal problems.

7. Student: There is no food in my quad

[OIC]: Do you wanna pay for it or rent it ?

8. Student: My bathroom ceiling is leaking

[OIC]: Good. Now you can save water by not using the Shower nozzles !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-26]

2009-05-26T22:30:00.005+05:30

Section A

Prof: (explaining game theory – first mover advantage) So what do you think you should do as the leader or the first mover in this market?

(The whole class is thinking…only one hand is flying in the air the instant the question was over)

Prof is happy (atleast one person knows the answer!!)

Prof: Yes, what do you think?

Student: Ma’am, if you are a leader shouldn’t you do what leaders do? [Nominated for Nobel Prize 2010 for this amazing discovery]

Section B

** Director - SLC aspirant uses results from a survey for his presentation **

Student: Is this a representative sample of IME? [You can do this as part of your Independent Study Program as to how to bring Stats into every walk of life and ruin that walk]

Section E

** Q&A time for Director - ALA aspirants **

Student: My question is for XYZ . You said that "alums ... shadow ... etc etc"

XYZ: I didnt say it

Student (confused): Oh sorry ! I had my laptop on ! I think it was said by ABC

ABC: No .. I didnt say it either

** Junta ROFL. Now you know why the damn Laptop should be switched off **

One for the batch

1. Audi saw very poor turnout for the Soapbox. I thought it was apathy but I now understand that its a strategy. If people dont turn up for Soapbox then they will do inki-minki myna moe and tick on someone. That someone unfortunately would invariably be the wrong choice [Remember Murphy's laws]. Then later people will have someone to blame for their miseries. I understand that some of them have made a career out of blaming others.

2. 'Rational' email of the day

"Do you think post MBA you will find a rational world, sir! [This is my first rational sentence with a irrational assumption]

World is irrational and let IME be a sample of that population. [I believe in be and 'let' be even if it is as a sample specimen of my rationality-junkie species]

There is a difference between management and administration (IAS or IPS is a better career option for that, MBA is not). [Is it? Apart from the spelling something else too is different? Wasnt "A" in MBA Administration?]

You try and influence people by your ideas, which NJ and couple others did and people DIDN’T boo them… did they??? ALL the top candidates for president election WERE NOT booed!!! Check for data on that.[Ya ! You know that I am a stats stud with data and stuff though my reading skills (like reading emails in full) are as not as good ! Since I have no more 'rational' stuff to say let me get personal.]

If you chose to stand for presi/directorship and junta booed, well tough luck! No one forced you to do so! [Someone didnt force me to write shit. It comes natural to me]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-25]

2009-05-25T23:17:00.003+05:30

Section A

Prof: You have a question?

Girl Student (surprised) : No Sir !

Prof: Oh ! You are scratching ... I thought you have a question.

** Class ROFL **

Section C

1. Prof: We test for step 2 and then go to step 3

Student1: Sir why don’t we go to step 3 first and then to step 2?

Student2: Yes sir, why don’t we do it in that order?

Prof: ** Nods understandingly and explains **

** Class ROFL **

2. Arbit email to section nomination

I was also told by one of the TA’s that I was on the dreaded cold-call list (read kiss my ass list) [seems like I have been on that list far too many times] but was not given a chance by the professor because he was too busy focusing on the moral fabric of society (i.e. working at the bottom of the pyramid) [and I am not even worth that. Btw I am Grasim branded fabric]

Section F

Game theory 1 lecture, there is a strategy matrix on the board,

Prof: The South-West quadrant is the Nash equilibrium point, it’s home, remember the home analogy: sitting on the couch, with couple of beers in your hand? Now who would want to leave home? So [student], in this situation, which place would you say is away from home?

Student: do you mean in India?

(Expected ans: “anything that isn’t the South-West quadrant”)

One for the Batch

1. Arbit email nomination

Student send B-Plan to WCED but hits Reply to All and ends up sending to the entire Student community at IME.

Then came the line in the next email: "The "all" did not mean students 2010 ['all' is now selective] ....pls ignore this mail....it was sent accidentally......"

And DO NOT....read the attachment...... [wah ! Wah ! Kya line hai !]

2. Good email but notice the awesome number crunching .. too much of case studies ??

"If each one of us joins and is connected to 100 unique people, we create a strong network of 56000 people. (right now 123 people are there)

It can be one of the strongest professional network that we can create in our batch.

Scaling it to 3000 alums, we can potentially connect to 3000*100 = 3 lakh people at the 2^nd level "

3. Everybody wonders about the "dudes" who are constantly on their laptop inside Khemka. BBK caught with a few just to understand their reasons:

* Type 1 - The frustu single: I have been single all my life. Khemka might be my lucky charm. Maybe Facebook will recommend a girl friend through their friend suggestions. So surfing internet in Khemka is a must.

* Type 2 - The Despogrado: I am not cool because of my Arbit CP in class. So maybe surfing the net will improve my social quotient and women would think that I am COOL. Anyways all I surf is the Blackboard wondering when the next set of grades are released.

* Type 3: The harried Married man: My wife totally beats with the Belan when I surf net at home. So for me Khemka is the only refuge !

So please pity those who are hooked onto their laptops inside Khemka. They have no life !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-20]

2009-05-21T00:42:00.012+05:30

Section C

1. In the eco class..

Student: Since everyone is logical....

Prof: You mean rational.

Student: Yes, if everyone is rational, why can’t we incentivize the buyer on the basis of rationality?

Everyone in the class including prof: ROFL

Section D

Student says : I have a point.. (TA sitting next to him walks out) ** Student forgets his point **

Proff : Oh now there is no point, TA has stepped out.

** Student stammers and his CP just got lost in the laughter roar of the class **

Student regains his composure. Makes some point. TA walks in.

Proff : Student A spoke. Please note it.

** Another roar of laughter **

Section F

Prof asks a question as to how would you split a profit pie when the two companies’ contributing proportions are 42 and 73.

He cold calls a person. The person is half asleep and is doodling to keep himself awake. He answers “into two”.

Prof: (smiling, sarcastically) “into 2? That’s good answer, but how would you go about it?”

Student: “well, you take 42% of one on one side, and 73% of another on the other side”

Prof (after pausing briefly): does that even add up to a 100? [ It would be, statistically speaking]

Section G

1. Prof (showing the graph of car’s weight vs efficiency): Can you guess what those outliers might be?

Student: Motorcycles !!! [new unit in which Car's weight is measured ?]

2. Prof: Yes you have a question?

Student: hmmm..I forgot sir !!!!! [My CPU rebooted hence everything in my RAM got lost]

3. Context: Quantity of pet food sold related to price

Prof: What do you think the outliers tell us?

Student: There could be various occasions like festivals when consumption was higher. [Pets celebrate festivals by consuming more food!]

4. Stats Prof: *asking people answer for a question*

Student 1 : “sir..sir..sir..sir” (arms raised for a whole minute)

Prof asks student for answer

Student 1 : “aaaa..ahhh..hmmm..cough cough..well..I forgot sir..please give me 2 mins..please sir 2mins” [Carpe-diem buddy ! Time and CP chance wait for none]

Prof never comes back

5. Stats Prof: *asking a question to a particular student*

Student 2 (without being prompted tries to answer..does this a lot though J ): “well sir..the answer for this..”

Prof: I did not ask u the answer. can u please keep quiet? [Just because you got a hyper-articulated vocal chord you think you can just keep ploppin out shit?]

Class is stunned to silence for a full 1 min..student 2 tries to play it down by sniggering but the whole class in a way relieved for the person to finally have got deserved due.

One for the Batch

1. Arbit email nomination:

Dude sends a long mail to entire Students 2010. Then couple of minutes later resends the same mail. Reason: He forgot to put the subject [IMEians read only those mails which have subjects?]

In future people will resend mail if

a. Forget to write their name at the end of the mail

b. Forget to include their signature at the end of the mail

c. They wanna put recipents currently in cc to bcc

2. Arbit email nomination again

"Since this might potentially affect all of us [Yes potentially to only those who care to take shower in water], I am taking the liberty of sending this to everyone in the batch [Doesnt matter if others didnt want you to take that liberty since already someone with exhaustive 8 n half valid points did]. A simple way to reduce the water consumption is to avoid the use of shower nozzles and instead use water collected in buckets for bathing.

[Eureka ! Use water collected in buckets only ! Mugs, spoons & plates are prohibited ! Even for the No. 1s and No. 2s]

This could potentially save 13 litres per person per day.( assuming each one of us would use 2 buckets (40 lts))( For data pls visit ) [With my mastery in number crunching for my Marketing case study this was easy]

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/everyday/greenhouse/tips.html

All put together this would amount to a saving of at least 7.3 Kl of water solely by the student community and would contribute 5 % towards the target of 150 KL per day at no additional capital cost. [Why dont we all dunk ourselves in the pool ! We would be saving much more than just the mere 5% at added fun and no added capital cost]

3. Arbit email nomination:

President hopefuls,

There is a chance for you guys get the majority on your side. You guys can tap a dedicated vote bank [A vote bank for which GND is the only issue .. other issues dont even matter. Btw I have my savings account with this bank.].

I know atleast 80 More guys [More departmental store guys] who are in support of GND , but could not so take your pick. [I took census to see who all had sent to you and who all hadnt and I can prove that I am statistically right but factually wrong]

4. Arbit usage of "Reply to All"

"Oh Shit! I forgot. [and hit the "Reply to all" instead of "Reply"] I am back in my room [now the laziness angle is introduced]. Sorry I couldn't make it. [Decide first: forgot or couldnt make it] And happy birthday!

5. A mail on HBS short story was sent to Student_General. Reply received on that:

"This is b-school and we are grown up. Not little johnnies. [Yesterday we had President - Swatantra Naari give her comments on unbiased gender campaigning. So Jillies must also find their name here] We got to come out of that mindset. The below article talks about child development. " [Oh I read only 4 lines. If I read it full I would know the correct facts]

YOU ALL MUST BE FEELING BAD THAT I DIDNT STAND FOR GSB PRESIDENT. NO PROBLEM GUYS AND GALS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE A OPTION NO. 25 ON BALLOT PAPER AND WRITE MY NAME AND TICK AGAINST IT :)

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-19]

2009-05-19T19:36:00.012+05:30

Section A

Student raises hand to ask question in Stats class. Immediate neighbours burst out laughing even before he uttered a word. Poor fellow asked his question with great challenge (almost laughing and almost forgetting the question too) but his struggle lasted quite sometime ! ** Class burst out laughing in the meanwhile **

Section B

Seemed like a jargon contest [on a serious note the underlying concepts were good. Click on the links for details]:

Prof: ** Explaining about Pricing Engineering **

Student 1: ...blah... Libertarian paternalism [ The aha-moment ... now who can beat me at that]

Prof: ** stumped ** I dont know about it ** waits for sometime .. no answer ** and it is ??

Student 2: ** immediately after the first one was all said and done ** There is one more concept that is called "Subliminal marketing"

[You can do one ... I can do better]

Prof: ** Scarred for life **

Section C

Student: Blabber .... blabber ....

Prof: Ok, what is the question?

Student: Sir, I was making a comment.

Prof: *stumped* thank you

Section D

Student: Pricing in India is done like this …..blah blah blah blah ………..

Professor: ** Disagreeing with Student ** No but ideally it should be done like this ….blah…..blah….blah……

Student: Sir that happens in America cause it is a capitalist country and I come from a socialist country (what the F !)

Section E

Professor fights back. Some killer responses by the Prof:

1. The biggest hell was created on earth when someone tried to create heaven.

2. Society didn’t become greedy suddenly after 2006. It was always greedy.

3. “Ex-ante” … if you were an investor in 2006 & I took you back in a time machine …

4. This is for my “mathematically inclined” friends who want to see the world in a complicated way.

5. I believe, for 20 bucks a day, you could hire a guy to do the integration for you.

Section F

[Last week] Prof presenting his research. He came to a graph of employment rate in the US over time. At which point this guy butts in with something like “But sir, when I was working in the US….”

And Prof was like “This data is prepared by BLL… go fight with BLL…I did NOT prepare this data… C’mon guys… u shud know when to bring in your personal experiences….”

For the Batch

1. Medical Advice (from a non-Doctor) on Campus regarding Swine Flu: Please take necessary Porkautions !

2. The ever enthu guys of a Section - as usual decided to gift something to a professor. As at all times :

- More than 100 mails were exchanged [At the time of going to press I mean]

- A poem was written for the prof

- Some cool dude thought of gifting the professor a bathroom tile with the prof’s picture on it [Hey man – I am sure he has a mirror to see himself every day ?]

3. How must a sample mail from the GSB hopeful should look like [for illustrative purposes only. Not to be copied. including comments]

A lot of you have been enquiring (21 to be exact!) [Official Census figures including the Dean himself] if I was running for the GSB President [If not Kalam then you] Several of you also said that I should take up this responsibility [No we were begging…Please, Please..Without you IME will not survive even 1 day. Save our planet] . After careful deliberation, I have finally submitted my vision for the GSB President [ I am a visionary whose vision is scary]. The responsibility holds no personal gains for me [Except that - You'll see me getting A McKinsey job which is not technically a personal gain, it is for world peace] rather it poses the challenge of coordinating the multiple aspirations of our very diverse batch [Overplayed card] . Delivering meaningful impact to the larger society [Hey, you know where I get this line from? I heard this in one of the Obama speeches] in my own small ways has been my focus before coming to IME [I used to organize diwali programs in my neighbourhood before coming here] and the need and opportunity to recreate the same magic here has led me to this decision! [ Move aside Jadugar P.C. Sarkar]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-18]

2009-05-18T20:59:00.005+05:30

Section - A

1. Sir: ** Explaining about powerful channels **

Stud: Sir, I was with an FMCG company [Oh !! Achievement !] and Walmart was our distribution channel [Wow!! Take a Bow). They used to twist our hands so that we make innovative products [Iodex sales hit an all-time high] How do we tackle such channels who force us to innovate [And we thought that innovating is a good thing!]

Sir: ** Part stumped ** Isn’t innovating a good thing? [It would soon be outlawed]

2. ** During Marketing mid-term exams the clock was running 10 mins slow. So people were arguing with invigilator before exams started to let them start as it was already 2.30pm as per their watches **

Invigilator: I am going to start at 2.30pm on this watch and end by 4.30pm on this watch.

Student 1: Then most of us will pray that the clock comes to a standstill before 4.30pm

Student 2: Dude, this is written exam. There are no points for Arbit CP.

Section - B

1. Mktg Prof: ** Asking people as to who all have done "cold-calling" at their jobs. Lot of enthu junta. Points to one of them and asks which industry **

Student: Ours was Customer to Business [See the irony. Customer Business wale ko shendi lagake maal bech raha hai]

2. Prof: Why are we trying to teach you a new & different way of thinking?

Student: For RoI

3. Prof: What is rationality?

Student 1: Inherent in-built set of conditions

Student 2: It is the idea of a reason

Student 3: It is about behaving rationally

Student 4: So is economics irrelevant to irrationals ?

4. Prof: ** Discussing about indifferent curves **

Student 1 : Why cant we call it happiness curves ?

Student 2: I have a doubt about equally inconsistent curve.

Prof: ** stumped but explains to him that its indifference curve **

Student 3: Isnt this curve the reason behind economic recession ?

Prof: ** stumped and silenced **

5. Prof: ** Discussing about Consumer Behaviour. Shows picture of urinal with a picture of fly in it **

Student: Why is it a fly ?

Section - D

Arbit email of the day which was recalled and resent just to replace the underlined word with the word in [bold]

"As some of you may recall [since you have been joblessly spamming as well as memorizing names of mail senders in Student_General] my dell laptop got damaged about 2 weeks ago. I have decided to buy a new laptop coz its going to take time to get the old one repaired.

So I’d like your help. If you guys know of any good and/or new models or cheap [good] [good and cheap are interchangeable] deals in Hyderabad I would really like to hear from you. My requirement is pretty standard – lightweight, durable, min 2 GB RAM, Non-Dell. [I wonder which company offers non-Dell models as standard] I’m sure many of you would have looked around a bit when buying your laptop prior to coming to IME. [Nopes, In Obama we trust]

I’m still in the process of narrowing down to 2-3 options after which I will speak with dealers. So any help is appreciated. (Maybe you guys should vote for which laptop I get.. he he.. don’t worry that’s not gonna happen). [Because we''ll probably not even bother clicking]"

2. Another arbit mail:

"I almost feel bad for doing this. [stress on almost] I wanted to help in any way possible but I am in the morning sessions and I cannot possibly skip the classes, unless you can get me an allowance [You did the Financial accounting class. Didnt you?]

Sorry again for ditching at the last minute. [Though the minute had passed away and you asked only E, F, G & H to respond] Let me know If I need to force some of my friends in evening sections [I am taking Karate classes along with Dance classes] to come for this; if you do not have many volunteers."

Section E

1. Nomination for the heaviest jargon laden email:

"The important spirit here is, and needs to be extended to several clubs and activities –

>> Encourage more Target Focus groups who will help position the IME students correctly to cater to the different industry requirements.

I know there are some clubs like Consulting has been doing it well, but there hasn’t been enough momentum created in the past batches for this to be extended to multiple sectors, which is the need of the hour!!

I think the Tech and Telecom group has taken a heads up lead, which shall help us create significant momentum in the coming months.

Again I think we need to create processes to give Focus groups some autonomous behaviour and agenda, while coordinating their efforts along with the other activities of the umbrella club."

2. Nomination for the most pointed and specific mail

"I have lost my spectacles today. Request whoever finds it to notify me and let me know." [I am proud of you ! Good description on how your specs looks. Consider a career in working for Lost and Never Found department]

Section G

Mkting Prof while teaching ‘Price Engineering ‘ – So, why do you think this company has decided to decrease the price every week, and has declared it to its customers on the first day itself……

Student – Sir, the difference in prices is the price of gas, the customer will spend to come to shop again…. People might not prefer it…. You know, in US, time is very precious !! [Dude, we know you worship US but time is precious in India as well]

Section H

Arbit email nomination to the guy whose phone is broken so he has shared his pain as well as contact number with the entire Co2010. Get ready for another deluge of mails from people who soiled their pants, tore their T-shirts, burnt morning breakfast etc etc

GSB Special Section

1. How do you get know that more than required people are standing for the GSB post ?

1. * When in a marketing class the number of hands that go up to answer “ who’s up for GSB “ is more than the ones up to do Arbit CP.

2. * When In a birthday dunking – more GSB aspirants turn up to dunk the birthday boy/ Girl than the section mates.

* When the same number of people turn up as you call the words- Gaurav, Saurabh , and GSB president

* When you cant walk 5 mins before being mobbed by a aspirant who starts by saying

"It’s to let you know, I am contesting for the GSB President. I value your inputs and would like to hear from you over the next week by talking more about my background, values and the difference I will bring to the GSB."

2. About 2 dozen hopefuls at assembled today at Bhoopali Conference room in the CCA office

Shiv: What questions do you have?

Major Om Shanti Om: Sarovar .. blah blah ....

[This year GSB president will cook for us to win votes. May the best cook win]

3. Fry-yank: As a batch we want to leave legacy behind. We want to make IME carbon neutral. [What the F will Oxygen do?] One of us in this room will get elected [I pray that it is me] and carry this forward [Class of 2008 Lounge, Class of 2009 Amphitheatre, Class of 2010 Carbon Bullshit]

4. P-foosh: ** Damn the devil is sitting here ! Better not say anything lest he connect it to London Loo ! **

5. Twenty-Tunn makes a entry: Yesterday there was a mail on 100% mandatory Attendance. I want to make it a poll issue. After I get Tunn at nights how can you expect me to turn up for classes?

6. Okshut: Can I form my government with outside support ? I sent a fundoo sounding but frustoo looking mail on Economics to entire student community (that too a day after mids ! Talk about getting a life) including both the Profs. They'll support my campaign I know !

7. Nakli Nivas: Though I want to stand but seeing all these people I should not disclose that I am standing. Let this come as a surprise. Probably the shock value will win me votes !

8. Pinja: Damn ! I am at the wrong audition again ! Where is Anu Malik ?

9. Homnath: Why cant we have preferential voting? My marketing plan is to position myself as second preference candidate so that people end up voting different people as first choice and only me as seconf choice. That way I'll win !! What a idea, sirjee !

10. Prankaj Fodder: Damn ! I wanted to build Jumbles Nivas as our legacy ! Now I'll have to convince the dean and others and proabably offer them 1-BHK flats in the vicinity too ! This is my unfulfilled wish from Virginia Tech days when I was treasurer !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-13]

2009-05-13T22:07:00.007+05:30

Section B

1. Prof: ** discussing slide on takeaways on subject and asks me the reason why a certain thing happened **

Me: ** Didnt know the answer so till then shouting arbit stuff among the crowd conveniently presuming that Prof will not specifically point at anyone. But just my luck ** I think its because of elasticities of Price ! [A new concept worthy of Nobel prize]

2. Prof: Whats the optimum range of Heart beat rate ?

Student: 80 -120

Prof: I asked for Heart rate ... not Blood pressure

Class bursts out laughing. Student looks at me and begs for mercy [not today my man]

3. Prof: ** continuing on Heart rate ** so the formula used by doctors is HR = 220 - Age. But actual formula is HR = 208 - 0.7Age. You know why it is not used ?

Class: ** silence **

Prof: Because doctors can't multiply ! [ouch, Doc ! That must have hurt]

4. Prof: ** narrating story on his graduate days ** My roommate was Italian. He had to go home as his Father had passed away and his mother was alone. They brought the coffin home. Just then earthquake hit. The coffin started shaking. The Mother got excited and said "Oh he's moving ! He has become alive".

Class laughing. Prof then turns back to write on the board. The backside board started sliding upwards. Prof couldnt understand so say "I think something is moving"

Section E

Arbit email .. someone wrote this while the section was thinking about how to thank Prof !

“Yes, also we are doing a quickie for Prof. due to limited time, but there is a need to probably institutionalize the process with innovative ideas customized depending upon the prof.

The profs here are a gem, and we are fortunate to have their gyan, so we should not just give them a momento, but also strive to establish a strong lasting relationship with them"

[absolutely speechless ! whatcha doin here ? You are already MBA]

For the Batch

Exclusive: A sneak preview into GSB Prez aspirants' manifestos

PP: I am going to be a Cats and Dogs person and at the least build a small shelter for Jumbles and make sure kitty get Pringles everyday for food. I'll be IME's first Proactive Prez who was reactive by nature.

NJ: I will rebrand Goel into Aussie style Mc Donalds. You see brand builds certain associations in people's minds and they can stretch it to shit. The food is gonna be the same but you see when McDonalds will serve you shit, you'll eat it happily.

Pinja: Hey ! I am Pinja and me going to be needing your votes. To vote for me Type Ninja and send it to 52525 or BSNL users can vote on 1800-420-840-01. *Somebody prompts something* Shit ! This is not Indian Idol ?

Twenty-Tun: I am going to build Beer taps around the campus. The batch will forever be branded as Class of TwentyTun ! And you better vote for me ! Remember my Jeep and what a vehicle like that can do (* hint: Karz *)

Pee-foosh: This place needs a lot of infrastructure overhaul. For e.g. Look at the Loo here. I wanna make them so posh that people will start living out of them !

Fry&yank: I always thought that seats in Classroom was for doing weird dances around it and I believe it should stay that way. Till I win votes I am going to use those seats for sitting as a mark of protest !

Arrr-peet-diya: I am going to sing Zombie and make everybody feel like a zombie in case the Mid-terms dont do the trick. Zombies cant think and if they cant I can brainwash them into voting for me !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-12]

2009-05-12T21:21:00.005+05:30

Section A

1. Prof: So what do you think Kodak should do to prevent loss of contribution ?

Student: Sir I think it is impossible !!!

Class: huh ??

Student (continues): Sir, America is a capitalistic economy [and we thought Adam Smith was dead ] .. in such a scenario, every company wants to maximise profits but they cant [in IME every one tries to be GSB president but cant..big deal..come to the point] FUJI will start price war and Kodak will succumb [bottom line: if u earn profits you are SC*****].

2. Prof: So what do you think? Should we launch Fun time or not?

Student: Sir, Why did Amul launch condensed milk in India ??

Prof...(nostalgia hitting him hard as he worked in Amul at the start of his career): Excuse me ??

Student: Sir, why should condensed milk me launched in India when we always boil milk....it shud be launched in USA cause they drink it raw...

Prof: I have to check with my 20 year old back boss on this..

Section E

The whole section got emotional on what to gift to the Marketing teacher who had his last class. 58 mails were exchanged in all amongst the students of the class. And a poem written as well for the professor :

Dear Marketing professor

Met you two weeks ago

Fresh from all the fun

A race from the word go

And now we’re done

Quite a task you’ve had

Reining wild horses in

The first time is the worst

Now we’re broken in

Tomorrow you’ll leave

And we just want to say

Thanks for being referee

And keeping chaos at bay

End result : No Conclusion ! Utter Chaos on what to gift and total waste of people’s time who ended up reading all these 58 mails

Section F

A email nomination for mail sent to 2010 on food:

I and a few others have tried to improve the food by talking to the Sarovar chef during the last week [ Yes, talking helps. Ask the Marketing fellows who have made careers out of yapping]. Honestly, the chef seems to be at a loss of ideas. [Maybe he mixed that with Sambar] I request everyone to please come a bit prepared with ideas, [come with the recipe books] so that we have a fruitful [lots of fruits will be cut and different types too] meeting in which we are able to provide some specific directions to the chef to work on. [And I am not talking of Vastu alone]

Section G

Student realizes break is over in Stats class and he pops into the class and then zips across the teaching well to his seat [as if it’s school and the teacher will get angry if he’s late], in the process startling poor Prof and almost knocking him down. Student sits down and the Prof. jokes “That didn’t scare me!”

Section H

1. Student: Kodak’s advertising strategy is ‘touching on the feeling side’ [Oh thats a dangerous side] and ”Some things in life are priceless"

1) 2. Stats’ professor explains how a particular data leads to a distribution with high variance.

Student: Sir, what is its physical implication?

Prof. is unsure of what “physical implication” of high variance means and so he repeats what he said and adds, ”That’s all I can tell you. Its mathematical!”

2) 3. A student says “Sir, I am just trying to wonder……” and then stops for a second to wonder just as the whole class bursts into laughter.

3) 4. Student 1: “Sir, could you please repeat what you just said?”

Prof: “I forgot what I said.”

Student 2: “Sir, can I add something to what you said?”

Prof: “No, I’ll forget that too.”

5. 5. Stats prof: Let’s recap what we did last time. What do we require to create confidence intervals?

Student (who also likes tandoori chicken and can sleep with his eyes open): Sir, you need confidence!

6. Prof: finishes explaining why a price strategy is not the best idea for Kodak and also that too much differentiation between “special occasion” film and “regular use” film wont lead to results because people don’t change the film in their cameras everytime for different needs.

Student: (very seriously) Sir, that is exactly why the whole market shifted to digital cameras!

(Prof is speechless.)

7. Eco prof: Finishes explaining his theory on how the prolonged interest rate cuts led to a situation where Pc > Pd etc etc and this is why we’re in a recession.

Student: Sir, I think the real blame lies with China because it’s responsible for providing manufactured goods at such low rates that the producers in the US economy were forced to shut down. Also, it indirectly financed the overconsumption in the US by investing in their T-bills and securities.

(Everyone thinks: Wow, way to miss the point completely!)

Not exactly a arbit mail, but this is what you can call a 'Tubelight' mail

"I had left the case of my Salvadore Ferragamo sunglasses in one of your backpacks (during treasure hunt). I lost the person, who’s bag I kept them in." [Time between loss and batti jalne mein: Almost a month]

One for the Batch

We had an outside speaker give a presentation on design and innovation. He put a slide on the projector:

Invention + The Human Context = Innovation

And walked us through that when you take an invention, tinker with it some, it leads to an innovation.

Student question: “Sir, you speak of the human context, but what if I were to invent something for a cow or an elephant, would that count?” [ way to go Einstein]

Caution to Presidential Candidates (especially the Lalloo Panjoo ones): Election seasons here. Be careful of what you say from now on! I am watching !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-07]

2009-05-07T21:52:00.005+05:30

Section - B

1. Prof: ** Discussing Fed Ex case, so asks junta to profile the man who does the buying decision in companies **

Student: He is a dumb person !!

Prof: ** signals for restraint **

Student (now calm): .. blah blah ... blah blah ... we will do this .. we will do that ...

Prof: Who is 'we'?

Student: 'We' as in the company

Prof: Ok. but you cant refer to yourself as 'we' unless you are royalty

Student (continues) : blah blah ... (after couple of minutes) .. Sir what was your question ?

Prof: *stumped* Thank you for the entertainment. Lets move on now !

2. Prof: **discussing LTVC**

Student: Sir, would a cigarette company also take into factor the life of the customer that it is shortening while calculating LTVC ?

Prof: **stumped**

3. One of the front-row Students (doesnt matter if it is Him or her) is so used to speaking out of turn that he is now stumped for words when he actually gets his turn ! Caution: Some of your neighbours are beginning to feel a violent streak !

Section D

1. Prof: What do u think is the ratio PPE/Total Assets (Percent of PPE over total assets) for GE ?

Student 1 – 10%

Student 2 – 6%

Student 3 – negative

Prof: * stumped *

2. Professor: (Question)

Student 1: (Wrong Answer)

Professor: Student 2 you try the question

Student 2: (Right Answer)

Student 1: (Clearly upset) ίδιο πράγμα μόνο [ "Same thing only" in greek]

3. Prof: ** Explaining customer Lifetime Value (CLV)** : What is the difference between CLV for short term vs Long term retention (referring to figures of $497 & $2000 respectively) ?

Student : Huge [You said that even without using a calculator]

Section G

Student: So 95% of the means will lie in the confidence intervals with 95% chance.

Prof: You stop saying that or you’ll confuse everybody else.

Section H

1. Student: Sir I have a very relevant and Important Question

Professor: Well, that is for Dheeraj (TA) to decide

2. Prof To students: Can you guess how Coke after doing market sizing does attenuation ?

Student: Yes sir I think I know this from somewhere…

Prof: No you can’t because Coke CEO told me yesterday how they do it and you were not there

One for the Batch (Voice of Junta)

1. 1. During the Coke’s CEO presentation, one particular student was making MCC leadership aspirations too obvious. [No it was not Atul Singh] Nevertheless good initiaive !

2. 2. During the marketing club presentation one dude did not present a thing but was standing next to all the presenters – I think for moral support of some sort. [If thats your campaign strategy then you'll get only moral support from the junta - no votes]

3. 3. The three organizers who gave the memento to the LBS guy – One was in Shorts , the other one was in a suit and the third one was in a jeans. [Thats diversity for you]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-06]

2009-05-06T22:17:00.006+05:30

Section A

Student to Coke CEO : Sir, in your ad campaigns you associate coke with happy times. I am a self confessed coke addict [since you confessed it yourself you are now entitled for lesser punsihment] and I turn to coke even when I am sad, not just when I am happy. Why don’t you show that aspect in your advertisements!!!!!!!!!! [in short please market it as an anti-depressent for students like me ... just in case you didnt know 'Coke' is also a term used for ____. It makes me happy and wanting to fly ]

Section - B

1. Stats Prof: Let me quickly write the formula on the board ...

Student 1: But Sir ... blah blah .. blah blah

Stats Prof: Ok Let me quickly write it on the board

Student 1 (again): ** trying to 'paraphrase' and 'restate' blah blah **

Student 2 (irritated): Let him write the formula Man !

2. Prof: ** Explaining about Financial Accounting concept for PPnE **

Student: In English please ...

3. Prof: ** Asking for someone who has worked in the Pharma industry and then jokingly moves onto Drugs **

Student: ** Puts up his hand and then realises that Prof is now referring to drugs **

Prof: Oh, lets meet outside class. You are having inventory ? I hope 'good' inventory.

Section D

LBS VC interactive session @ Khemka Audi

Lady: Sir, yeah …here..I am in the back..

LBS guy: uuh…oh yeah there u r …

Lady: Sir..I have a question for u…what is the ppppp….possibility of say…aaaa ..getting a LP…#$%...aaa ….&*@@##3…uuuuu…. LP###3….LP to the power n…and PE…

LBS guy: ** referring to his colleague ** Dude I think you can answer this question…..I aaah..kinda of…. uhhh…didn’t get the question J

Claps….hei..junta is happy..its not only them but even profs J

Lady is adamant…

Lady: Sir….let me explain again…

Lady: what is the ppppp….possibility of say…aaaa ..getting a LP…#$%&*@@##3 LP###3….LP to the power n…and PE…

LBS guy 2: PE is actually….blah…blah…equity….money…coffee…tea…gals ..guys....marriage..divorce…$%&#$(#$#$#$))%%%%.....

Lady is rewarded an answer in her language….she didn’t get it !!!

Lady: Sirr…but..

LBS Guy no. 2 (VC): Lady…this is enough…enough is enough…its just enough…freakin enough…u freak me out…Organizers where are my damn gifts..get me outta here…

Junta: Claps…hei hurra…ordeal over…

Lady comes down the auditorium to catch hold of LBS guys…paisa vasool. Fees is too high to let go these high profile visitors of the hook…

Section E

1. Lost Dupatta mail

Lost dupatta ! So now even the clothes are getting lost !

Sunglasses, umbrella..dupatta.. What’s next –?

After the mid terms : Guys, I have lost my mind…if anyone finds it please return it intact without any misuse..

After the end terms : I have lost my patience, if anybody finds it, please return it back at your risk

2. Student: Professor, I have a query. Is the law of the land relevant to the case?

[I think he was planning to use Fed-Ex to airlift all the gold from Fort Knox to maximize profits.]

3. Enthusiastic Student: ** Gives a point. **

Professor: But isn’t that what he just said? [pointing at another student]

Enthu Student: I didn’t listen to what he said. [I am only interested in my points]

4. Student : Professor, sorry to disturb, but…

Professor : If you know you are disturbing me, then you are not sorry. So don’t say you are sorry.

Section G

1. Student to CEO, Coca-Cola – “How is Coca-Cola poised to utilize the untapped potential of the health foods like snacks?”

CEO – We are not looking at it. (We are a beverages company ! Duh ?).

Student (incredulously) – But don’t you WANT to?

CEO – No.

2. Request email sent to entire section. Last line of the email:

"Well, I preferred to err on the side of caution hence this email..So just be nice and reply only if you have any issues..Otherwise please don’t spam my inbox with your “thoughtful”, and “well-meant” senses of humour" [Awshum line ! And Yes, Spam my inbox with everything else]

Smack D announcement: Btw one of Section G guys has forgotten his Mango in my Quad. Before you send a mail to Students 2010 please come and collect it from me.

Section H

Dude has already acped 3-4 times in the last 5 mins.

Dude again: In the biscuit industry. We have Tiger biscuits suppose they create a tiger 2 brand or say an apple brand with the same biscuit inside it…

Prof’s phone rings.

Prof: Sorry I have to take this, but you go on.. Dhiraj (TA) is still here. [Eitherways I am allergic to bullshit so I rather kill myself over Cellphone radiation then succumb to Bullshit]

2. The Marketing Prof is discussing the Points of Parity & Points of Difference between Tanishq and the possible new entrants that might enter the Ornament / Jewelry segment.

All points have been brow beaten by desperate CP hogs and apart from recycles time pass, nothing was coming out –

Then came the beauty -

Student : It is quite possible that Tanishq has a Point of Difference & advantage by the numerous contacts with the government officials which they might utilize for their gain which obviously won’t be with the new entrants .

The professor is tongue-tied while the entire class rolls down laughing which the backbenchers shout out “Reliance” “Reliance“

Section - C, F

Arbit mail to Student 2010 over PMP

1. I did it last January itself. Let me know your questions, I hope I am able to help. [But do note that I skipped the portion where they taught us to use "Reply" rather than "Reply to All"]

2. I passed mine way back. I am not sure if the exam structure has changed, although the course content would be the same. [So incase I tell you something wrong, you cant blame me for having not warned you. (I) Better Safe before (You) Sorry. And as witness I am marking entire Student 2010]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-05]

2009-05-05T22:26:00.002+05:30

Section - A + B

Student A send email to 2010 and like a good mamma's boy apologizes for spamming. [TOTALLY ORIGINAL. I WONDER WHY NOONE HAS EVER COME WITH THIS CONCEPT]

Student B hits REPLY to ALL: Why so apologetic? [LOOK AT ME. I DONT SAY SORRY BECAUSE I THINK IT IS FRIKKIN' IMPORTANT]

Student A hits REPLY to ALL: I believe it's the after-effects of what I have been hearing from a few corners [I GOT A BIT OF GAS PROBLEM FROM A FEW CORNERS OF MY BODY. SO I TOOK A TABLET WHICH HAS ONLY AFTER-EFFECTS. SIDE EFFECTS NAHIN]

Section - B

Student: Sir, we at X & Y (Consulting Company) have random talks with our customers to tell them that they dont need what they think they need. We tell them dont worry you'll need it next year. When you'll need it we'll be there.

Prof: ** Discussing about Break even Analysis **

Student: Professor, why does Hyundai have SRK as ambassador ? Hyundai makes Santro or i10 and not ambassador cars. And I dont think SRK will ever drive Santro / i10. Dont you think its a waste of money then ?

Prof: ** Discusses about Dove's common woman strategy few years back **

Student: The general public didnt want to see thin stick females but curvy women. They had put up billboards of aam stree all over the city and had a HOT or NOT poll. 97% said NOT because they were all men !

Prof: ** Discusses about First degree Price discrimination **

Student 1: ** Gives example of CCD and Cafe. Premium sandwiches at CCD **

Student 2: Sir, similarly at Goel ...

Prof interupts: Sorry, but I dont want a bitching session to start.

Section E

Prof cold-calls the sleepin' booty. Three questions, three diverse replies

1^st answer – Sorry Sir, I am totally lost…

2^ndQ: Are you following? Ans: Yes Sir! Prof: I am trying to an extent, you also try at your end.

3^rdtime: another Question and he just shrugged his shoulders in negative…

Section F

1. Student: Sir, I have a point.

Prof: What makes you think you have a point?

Student: Sir, what makes you think I dont have a point?

Prof: You dont have a market for your point.

Student: ** Stumped **

2. The marketing prof is doing an analysis of the addressable market for barbers in a given city. After the professor has opened the floor for questions, he is questioned on every aspect of his market breakup.

Bright Student: “Sir, we show that we are reducing the market by 20% for bald people who do not need a barber’s service. But won’t they use the barber for other things like shaving, facials and what not”.[WELL DONE EINSTEIN. YOUR MAMMA MUST BE PROUD. I HOPE BY "WHAT NOT" YOU DIDNT MEAN BALD ESCORTS]

3. Prof has hardly finished 1 sentence about something.

Student – “Sir I agree fully with whatever you’ve said, BUT….”

Prof (stunned) – “But I haven’t said anything yet !”

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-04]

2009-05-04T21:43:00.006+05:30

Section B

1. Prof: ** discusses about Pareto Analysis and the 80-20 rule **

Student 1: What is the practical application?

Student 2: 80% of the Arbit CP is done by 20% of the people. You alone are filling up for that 20% !

2. Prof: ** Shows a ad of Tanishq shot in 2000 ** So what did you notice ?

Students General : Blah Blah Blah etc etc

Student 1: **After all the guns fell silent ** I noticed Sushma Reddy !

3. Prof: ** Shows one more ad of Tanishq and then turns back to see about 40 odd hands waiting to grab his attention ** What are we raising hands for ??

Section C

1. Arbit mail (sent to Students 2010) and Goel :

Hi (Sarovar),

I would like to know whether I have to pay even if I don't eat few meals in a month. [SHALL I TAKE IT AS FIXED COST OR VARIABLE COST] For example I'm in XYZ today. So I've skipped lunch and dinner. Do I need to pay for the meals? [IF YES, SPECIFY WHETHER YOU WILL ACCEPT CREDIT CARDS. I'LL SWIPE IT IN THE MOUTH OF THE GUY WHO GREETS ME AT THE DOOR]

Please let me know.[AND YES DO HIT THE "REPLY TO ALL" BUTTON SO THAT MY FRIENDS KNOW THAT THEY CANT USE MY NAME TO CHEAT YOU GUYS AND STEAL A SUMPTOUS MEAL]

Section D

1. Prof: What are the two numbers we need for Binomial Probability ?

Student: Probability P and 1-P .... (1- [something] is so complicated nowadays. What will he do knowing "N" anyways)

Section F

1. Student: Sir, I am basically trying to understand if my understanding is correct.

2. Student: Sir .. Sir .. Sir ... (gets attention after 10 minutes) ... * 2 second silence * Sorry Sir, I forgot the point I had !

3. Prof teaching something. suddenly turns towards a student. Student "NO SIR !!!! I did not raise my hand!!!"

4. Arbit mail (sent to Resident Faculty, Team ASA, Student 2010) nomination

"Hi,

I haven’t been able to submit my honour code form. [I FORGOT TO DO IT SO I'LL PUNISH THE ENTIRE COMMUNITY AT IME FOR NOT REMINDING ME TO DO IT ON TIME]

Kindly guide me on how I can do the same.[YOU BETTER DO IT IF YOU DONT WANT ANY MORE MAILS. YOU CAN SIGN MY NAME IN GREEK IF YOU WANT]"

Section G

1. Arbit mail (sent to 2010) nomination

"Hi (Alum), [OOPS DUDE, YOU MARKED THE MAIL TO THE WHOLE JUNTA ON CAMPUS]

I am extremely eager [I AM DESPERATE ACTUALLY, THAT’S WHY I PAID 20 LAKHS – JUST TO ATTEND THIS WORKSHOP. JUST WAIT AND WATCH MY EXTREME EAGERNESS, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT ELSE I AM GONNA DO] to attend this workshop.

I come from a IT products background [JOIN IN DUDE, YOU ARE NOW OFFICIALLY PART OF THE HERD] and plan to pursue a career in Hi-tech [HI-TECH ? WHAT IS THAT? SOME SPACE RESEARCH PROGRAM?] where innovation is a key to gain competitive advantage [WAH, WAH WHAT A LINE…].

Product design is a subject close to my heart [APART FROM ALL THE COOL CHICKS ON CAMPUS WHO ARE EVEN CLOSER TO MY HEART] and I plan to go on exchange to Bukley-Bas to pursue the same.

Please reserve a seat for me [SORRY SIR, ALL SEATS TO THIS DESTINATION ARE BUSY, PLEASE TRY AFTER SOME TIME].

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Apr-29]

2009-04-29T21:33:00.000+05:30

Section G

In MKTG, Prof allowed Student to have his word and then had to add “You can pull your hand down now” because Student was making his point with his hand still up in the air.

Accounting prof said he would tell us how to value “goodwill” in the later classes. 5 minutes later, with Dr. Reddy’s statements before us, Student says this – “You might want to take my question up later but is this “goodwill” the same “goodwill” that you mentioned earlier”

Student : “ We know that CSR generates goodwill…. Can you quantify it?"
Student 1: "One the stock is traded, is the par value of any importance?"

Student 2: (Interjecting before the prof. even has a chance) Yes…. They are…. Especially when you are comparing apples to apples……

Prof: Can anyone explain why Scholes (of the Man U Football club) has no asset value against his name in the balance sheet?

Student: I Think it is because they have depreciated him completely.

Student: (intending to ask the prof. an intelligent sounding question) “ Can you make THIS sort of a deduction from something like this?” (notice the subtle use of ambiguity )

Prof: What are the kinds of random variables?

Student: It depends, there are kinds of randomness ….. and there are kinds of variables…

Section - D

Prof ’s Stats session where he’s deep into Minitab (a statistical software)

Stud: Sir .. Should we save these tables and graphs ?

Prof: ???

Section - C

Prof: So, let’s take the case of Pringles. P&G took quite a while with their R&D. When they finally launched the brand, people liked it initially but later on, people thought they tasted artificial.

Student 1: Is P&G proactive or reactive? I think they are proactive. But sometimes I think they are reactive. As I keep thinking, I am leaning more towards reactive. It usually doesn’t matter whether one is proactive or reactive but sometimes it does. They should change their name to Reacter & Gamble.

Prof: That is a good point. However, I am running short of time. Maybe we should continue tomorrow.

Student 2: Sir, I’d like to make a point. This one time, I had a cat. It was a male cat. Don’t ask me how I know it was a male cat. I named him Jumble. He was adorable. We used to play together. I could talk to him for hours, you know. He was my best friend. He liked eating a lot of potato chips. He especially liked Pringles a lot. But I did not know Pringles had preservatives. One day I came back from work and saw Jumble just lying in the corner. He overdosed on Pringles. So, from that day on, I decided that I wouldn’t feed Pringles to anyone.

Prof: What’s your point?

Student 3: Sir, she doesn’t have a point. I was living in the US. So, while I was living in the US, I used to eat a lot of potato chips too. All those chips taste the same. So, Jumble couldn’t have overdosed on Pringles. Did I mention I was living in the US?

Student 4: See, the problem is that potato chips are a commodity. When you compete in this space, you have to compete not just on price but quality too.

Prof: The commodity space only cares about price.

Student 5: She should not have fed Pringles to Jumble. Pringles doesn’t belong to a niche market. When you buy mainstream products, you are compromising on quality. I will give you an example. See, perfumes are a niche industry. My problem is that I smell a lot and I buy a lot of perfume. I’d like perfumes to go back to mainstream.

Student 6: I don’t agree with perfume prices. They are overpriced. I smell too but I refuse to buy perfumes.

Student 2 [again]: I miss Jumbles. He didn’t smell.

Student 5 [again]: Instead of Pringles, you should have given him wine. Wines are a niche industry too. The older the wine, the better they are.

(Entire class boos)

Student 7: I like cats too.

Student 8: I am a dog person. Dogs are adorable. They are loyal too. Marketing is all about creating loyalty to a brand. So, in my view, dog and marketing are synonymous.

Student 9 (whispering to Student10): Dude, WTF is going on?

Student10 (whispering to Student 9): I got no clue man. I came here to listen to the prof. And now we are talking about cats and dogs. Did we pay for this? FML

Section - B

Prof: ** Talks about starbucks and their marketing strategy **

Student 1: Isnt that a bit like French Cafes in Paris?

Student 2: What were you doing in the French Cafe ?

Student 1: I thought I'll run into Paris Hilton.

Student 2: How ?

Student 1: Duh ! Its in her first name !

Student 3 thinking to himself: Since I cant speak with shit in my mouth, I'll scribble "shut up" on Student 1's sheet during the break. This way I can be positioned as an "smartass" to myself and an "idiot" to others. Ek panth Do Kaaj !

One for the Batch

Students attending classes and randomly forgetting name tags (Oops, where is my name tag ?) I have 2 options :

(i) let me go back to the class and find it
(ii) I will just write a mail to students2010.

What the hell, Who has the patience to go back and find it. So…let me write a mail instead:-
“Guys, I know I have been writing these random mails to you 5 times a day since the last 10 days on campus. But you must realize that I am standing for the position of president of the ABC club. So I am going to write 100 more mails to you till you remember my name. So, here is another mail – I have lost my name tag…bla bla bla..goes on and on………….Hey, while writing this mail, I realized that I kept the name tag in my bag. But since I have already spent 10 minutes writing the mail AND I am contesting elections..It is worthwhile that you read what I have written (by the way …sorry for spamming) – AND PLEASE VOTE FOR ME IN THE ELECTIONS”