Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bakwas Bandh Karo [Oct-25]

Strategy Implementation

Prof pointed out that the country manager for detergent reports directly to the Europe Product Category president and Europe Geography president. There remained a row of product category VP’s in between unaccounted for.

Student : Why do we need the VP’s ??

** Class ROTFL ***

Prof : ** Stumped ** well.. umm.. They have their own responsibilities !!!!!

[Gee ... was this so hard to figure out .... hopefully you have taken notes my friend .. revise them before induction program ... you wouldnt want to go and ask this question to the VP of your organization]

** Class ROTFL **

Pre-placement Talk

CEO: What is Luxury ?

Student: Luxury is **blah**

CEO: What is **blah** ? [Hoping for a deeper insight]

Student: **blah** is luxury [What a profound observation and application of classroom learnings A= B therefore B=A]

**** Everyone ROTFL ****

Rankings

1. A supposedly leading business magazine rates a well-known college very low and criticizes the college. They were so engrossed in their enlightening comprehensive research, I am surprised how it did not tell them anywhere to atleast get the name of the college correct ? Latest rumors tell me that they are planning to cash in on this brilliance and package that book from now on as a ready-to-use handbook on "How not to do your survey" and a limited collector's edition of "How to get your facts wrong"

2. Respondent 1: [Case-prep overdose]

The issue is serious. Such serious misrepresentation by ** magazine ** calls for Authorities to take up serious actions. [Introducing the framework]

Its worth not building a brand if you can’t defend it !!! [Justifying the framework]

The question is not about pondering where we can be better, but take them on.

We need to remember that perceptions of common people are based upon

Such reports by popular magazines to a large extent, esp. in cases where they do not know much ! [building the framework]

We got 2 options after this.

a. Keep quiet and let it go (as we always do) [words in bracket are with regards to all case-prep handbook guidelines]

b. Send strong feedback to **magazine** , asking for printed apology on misrepresented facts !!

[Typical consultant style conclusion: rhetorical bullshit]

3. Respondent 2: [Economist response - modern version of pravachan baba) ]

Confucius say…”Do not use cannon to shoot sparrow”

[Our photography club president would disagree with you and say "Cannons are very good cameras .. they can shoot flying objects better because of high-resolution lenses"]

4. Respondent 3: [A typical marketing response - if you cant convince them .. confuse them]

Whether we should take it seriously and do something or keep quiet – the decision needs a lot of deliberations. [start with generic bullshit]

MCC and the authorities should setup a meeting to discuss on this, and then after exploring all the options and evaluating the pros and cons, should decide to take the best action. [build on bullshit]

My point is, the final decision could be either of the above, but a serious meeting should be held to discuss the issue [paraphrase opening line for punch effect]

[Kotler would have farted in his sleep if he saw such jargon-packed bullshit filled response]

5. Respondent 4 [A typical IT dude response]

We should immediately

1. Contact ** magazine** to find out on what basis they made such a decision. Ask them to revise if they believe that it was biased. [Understand the customer's requirements]

2. If they actually believe ** college** stands **rank** amongst B-Schools, then bring their representatives onto campus and show case our facilities, quality of student, faculties, professor research etc which at this point is far superior than most of the other schools above in the list. [Validate his requirements]

3. Make them understand the important fact that the ** other colleges** have had the chance to lead Indian B-Schools in the international platform for decades and have failed to make an impression globally, something which ** college ** has done in less than 10 years. While we are targeting getting into the top 10 b-schools in a global platform, it is essential that the domestic media shows consistency of support in that direction, at least publish what is due. [Deliver his requirements]

I don’t see staying silent an option in this. As said above if we are targeting broader platforms, it is essential to ensure the same consistency of results in the local platform.

[Only a IT dude can bring all discussions to platforms]