Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-29]

Section B

1. Prof: what are the leading indicators that the job market will be good when you pass out?

Student: It is a cyclical cycle [next b-plan cycle ki dukan]

** Class ROFL**

2. Prof: ** Discussing Corporate investments ** So it will be Cash Debit. Can anyone say what will be on the credit side?

    Student: Sir, I think it will be Cash 

    Prof: ** Stumped ** How can I debit cash and credit cash too?? We are not talking about Satyam here !!

   ** Class ROFL **

3. Prof: ** Discussing about something and then giving examples **

    Student : One such example is when we had this disease Chicken Hundi [and I thought it was a dish]  ** He meant Chikungunya **

4. Prof: Give me one example of a business where Buyer has more info than Seller !

    Student: ** violently gesturing with hands and blabbering **

    Prof: ** picking on him ** You dont get ideas just because you go blah blah and simply keep moving your hands

     ** Class breaks out into laughter **

SoapBox

1. Candidate: This council is student body driven. It cant be a one-man army [at this point he saw President - Naari Swatantrata in the crowd frowning] .. it cant be one-women army too !

Day Zero: OIC director gets cracking

1. Student: My Quad is having a problem with my water heater

[OIC]: I think your quad should resolve its problem with Water heater amicably. Let them be mature & not get into fights.

2. Student: I have a problem with my leaking flush. What should I do?

    [OIC]: Whatever you do, dont p*ss in the flush tank

3. Student: I have a rat in my living room.

    [OIC]: Switch on the TV. Maybe it wants to watch "Ratatouille".

4. Student: What can I do about snakes?

    [OIC]: For starters, Charm it.

5. Student: My AC is not working

    [OIC]: I guess your AC is too lazy ! Align your incentives ! It'll work !

6. Student: I have a problem with my study table

    [OIC]: Approach the Counselling Services. Only they can resolve personal problems.

    

7. Student: There is no food in my quad 

    [OIC]: Do you wanna pay for it or rent it ?

8. Student: My bathroom ceiling is leaking

    [OIC]: Good. Now you can save water by not using the Shower nozzles !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-26]

Section A

Prof: (explaining game theory – first mover advantage) So what do you think you should do as the leader or the first mover in this market?

(The whole class is thinking…only one hand is flying in the air the instant the question was over)

Prof is happy (atleast one person knows the answer!!)

Prof: Yes, what do you think?

Student: Ma’am, if you are a leader shouldn’t you do what leaders do? [Nominated for Nobel Prize 2010 for this amazing discovery]

Section B

** Director - SLC aspirant uses results from a survey for his presentation **

Student: Is this a representative sample of IME? [You can do this as part of your Independent Study Program as to how to bring Stats into every walk of life and ruin that walk]

Section E

** Q&A time for Director - ALA aspirants **

Student: My question is for XYZ . You said that "alums ... shadow ... etc etc" 

XYZ: I didnt say it 

Student (confused): Oh sorry ! I had my laptop on ! I think it was said by ABC 

ABC: No .. I didnt say it either

** Junta ROFL. Now you know why the damn Laptop should be switched off **

One for the batch

1. Audi saw very poor turnout for the Soapbox. I thought it was apathy but I now understand that its a strategy. If people dont turn up for Soapbox then they will do inki-minki myna moe and tick on someone. That someone unfortunately would invariably be the wrong choice [Remember Murphy's laws]. Then later people will have someone to blame for their miseries. I understand that some of them have made a career out of blaming others.

2. 'Rational' email of the day

"Do you think post MBA you will find a rational world, sir! [This is my first rational sentence with a irrational assumption]

World is irrational and let IME be a sample of that population. [I believe in be and 'let' be even if it is as a sample specimen of my rationality-junkie species]

There is a difference between management and administration (IAS or IPS is a better career option for that, MBA is not). [Is it? Apart from the spelling something else too is different? Wasnt "A" in MBA Administration?]

You try and influence people by your ideas, which NJ and couple others did and people DIDN’T boo them… did they??? ALL the top candidates for president election WERE NOT booed!!! Check for data on that.[Ya ! You know that I am a stats stud with data and stuff though my reading skills (like reading emails in full) are as not as good ! Since I have no more 'rational' stuff to say let me get personal.] 

If you chose to stand for presi/directorship and junta booed, well tough luck! No one forced you to do so! [Someone didnt force me to write shit. It comes natural to me]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-25]

Section A

Prof: You have a question?

Girl Student (surprised) : No Sir !

Prof: Oh ! You are scratching ... I thought you have a question.

** Class ROFL **

Section C

1. Prof: We test for step 2 and then go to step 3

Student1: Sir why don’t we go to step 3 first and then to step 2?

Student2: Yes sir, why don’t we do it in that order?

Prof: ** Nods understandingly and explains **

** Class ROFL **

2.  Arbit email to section nomination 

I was also told by one of the TA’s that I was on the dreaded cold-call list (read kiss my ass list) [seems like I have been on that list far too many times] but was not given a chance by the professor because he was too busy focusing on the moral fabric of society (i.e. working at the bottom of the pyramid) [and I am not even worth that. Btw I am Grasim branded fabric]

Section F

Game theory 1 lecture, there is a strategy matrix on the board,

Prof: The South-West quadrant is the Nash equilibrium point, it’s home, remember the home analogy: sitting on the couch, with couple of beers in your hand? Now who would want to leave home? So [student], in this situation, which place would you say is away from home?

Student: do you mean in India?

(Expected ans: “anything that isn’t the South-West quadrant”)

One for the Batch

1. Arbit email nomination

Student send B-Plan to WCED but hits Reply to All and ends up sending to the entire Student community at IME. 

Then came the line in the next email: "The "all" did not mean students 2010 ['all' is now selective] ....pls ignore this mail....it was sent accidentally......"

And DO NOT....read the attachment...... [wah ! Wah ! Kya line hai !]

2. Good email but notice the awesome number crunching .. too much of case studies ??

"If each one of us joins and is connected to 100 unique people, we create a strong network of 56000 people. (right now 123 people are there) 

It can be one of the strongest professional network that we can create in our batch.

Scaling it to 3000 alums, we can potentially connect to 3000*100 = 3 lakh people at the 2^nd level "

3. Everybody wonders about the "dudes" who are constantly on their laptop inside Khemka. BBK caught with a few just to understand their reasons:

    * Type 1 - The frustu single: I have been single all my life. Khemka might be my lucky charm. Maybe Facebook will recommend a girl friend through their friend suggestions. So surfing internet in Khemka is a must.

   * Type 2 - The Despogrado: I am not cool because of my Arbit CP in class. So maybe surfing the net will improve my social quotient and women would think that I am COOL. Anyways all I surf is the Blackboard wondering when the next set of grades are released.

   * Type 3: The harried Married man: My wife totally beats with the Belan when I surf net at home. So for me Khemka is the only refuge !

So please pity those who are hooked onto their laptops inside Khemka. They have no life !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-20]

Section C

1. In the eco class..

Student: Since everyone is logical....

Prof: You mean rational.

Student: Yes, if everyone is rational, why can’t we incentivize the buyer on the basis of rationality?

Everyone in the class including prof: ROFL

Section D

Student says : I have a point.. (TA sitting next to him walks out) ** Student forgets his point **

Proff : Oh now there is no point, TA has stepped out.

** Student stammers and his CP just got lost in the laughter roar of the class **

Student regains his composure. Makes some point. TA walks in.

Proff : Student A spoke. Please note it.

** Another roar of laughter **

Section F

Prof asks a question as to how would you split a profit pie when the two companies’ contributing proportions are 42 and 73.

He cold calls a person. The person is half asleep and is doodling to keep himself awake. He answers “into two”.

Prof: (smiling, sarcastically) “into 2? That’s good answer, but how would you go about it?”

Student: “well, you take 42% of one on one side, and 73% of another on the other side”

Prof (after pausing briefly): does that even add up to a 100? [ It would be, statistically speaking]

Section G

1. Prof (showing the graph of car’s weight vs efficiency): Can you guess what those outliers might be?

Student: Motorcycles !!! [new unit in which Car's weight is measured ?]

 

2. Prof: Yes you have a question?

Student: hmmm..I forgot sir !!!!! [My CPU rebooted hence everything in my RAM got lost] 

3. Context: Quantity of pet food sold related to price

Prof: What do you think the outliers tell us?

Student: There could be various occasions like festivals when consumption was higher. [Pets celebrate festivals by consuming more food!]

4. Stats Prof: *asking people answer for a question*

Student 1 : “sir..sir..sir..sir” (arms raised for a whole minute)

Prof asks student for answer

Student 1 : “aaaa..ahhh..hmmm..cough cough..well..I forgot sir..please give me 2 mins..please sir 2mins” [Carpe-diem buddy ! Time and CP chance wait for none]

Prof never comes back

 

5. Stats Prof: *asking a question to a particular student*

Student 2 (without being prompted tries to answer..does this a lot though J ): “well sir..the answer for this..”

Prof: I did not ask u the answer. can u please keep quiet? [Just because you got a hyper-articulated vocal chord you think you can just keep ploppin out shit?]

Class is stunned to silence for a full 1 min..student 2 tries to play it down by sniggering but the whole class in a way relieved for the person to finally have got  deserved due.

One for the Batch

1. Arbit email nomination:

Dude sends a long mail to entire Students 2010. Then couple of minutes later resends the same mail. Reason: He forgot to put the subject [IMEians read only those mails which have subjects?] 

In future people will resend mail if 

              a. Forget to write their name at the end of the mail

              b. Forget to include their signature at the end of the mail

              c. They wanna put recipents currently in cc to bcc

2. Arbit email nomination again

"Since this might potentially affect all  of us [Yes potentially to only those who care to take shower in water], I am taking the liberty of sending this to everyone in the batch [Doesnt matter if others didnt want you to take that liberty since already someone with exhaustive 8 n half valid points did]. A simple way to reduce the water consumption is to avoid the use of shower nozzles and instead  use water collected in buckets  for bathing. 

[Eureka ! Use water collected in buckets only ! Mugs, spoons & plates are prohibited ! Even for the No. 1s and No. 2s]

This could potentially save 13 litres per person per day.( assuming each one of us would use 2 buckets (40 lts))( For data  pls visit ) [With my mastery in number crunching for my Marketing case study this was easy]

http://www.nationalgeographic.com/everyday/greenhouse/tips.html

 All put together this would amount to a saving of at least  7.3 Kl of water solely by the student community and would contribute 5 % towards the target of 150 KL per day at no additional capital cost.  [Why dont we all dunk ourselves in the pool ! We would be saving much more than just the mere 5% at added fun and no added capital cost]

3. Arbit email nomination:  

President hopefuls,

 There is a chance for you guys get the majority on your side. You guys can tap a dedicated vote bank [A vote bank for which GND is the only issue .. other issues dont even matter. Btw I have my savings account with this bank.].

 I know atleast 80 More guys [More departmental store guys] who are in support of GND  , but could not so take your pick. [I took census to see who all had sent to you and who all hadnt and I can prove that I am statistically right but factually wrong]

 4. Arbit usage of "Reply to All"

"Oh Shit! I forgot. [and hit the "Reply to all" instead of "Reply"] I am back in my room [now the laziness angle is introduced]. Sorry I couldn't make it. [Decide first: forgot or couldnt make it] And happy birthday!

5. A mail on HBS short story was sent to Student_General. Reply received on that:

"This is b-school and we are grown up. Not little johnnies. [Yesterday we had President - Swatantra Naari give her comments on unbiased gender campaigning. So Jillies must also find their name here] We got to come out of that mindset. The below article talks about child development. " [Oh I read only 4 lines. If I read it full I would know the correct facts]

YOU ALL MUST BE FEELING BAD THAT I DIDNT STAND FOR GSB PRESIDENT. NO PROBLEM GUYS AND GALS. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS MAKE A OPTION NO. 25 ON BALLOT PAPER AND WRITE MY NAME AND TICK AGAINST IT :)

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-19]

Section A

Student raises hand to ask question in Stats class. Immediate neighbours burst out laughing even before he uttered a word. Poor fellow asked his question with great challenge (almost laughing and almost forgetting the question too) but his struggle lasted quite sometime ! ** Class burst out laughing in the meanwhile **

Section B

Seemed like a jargon contest [on a serious note the underlying concepts were good. Click on the links for details]:

Prof: ** Explaining about Pricing Engineering **

Student 1: ...blah... Libertarian paternalism [ The aha-moment ... now who can beat me at that]

Prof: ** stumped ** I dont know about it ** waits for sometime .. no answer ** and it is ??

Student 2: ** immediately after the first one was all said and done ** There is one more concept that is called "Subliminal marketing"  

[You can do one ... I can do better]

Prof: ** Scarred for life **

Section C

Student: Blabber .... blabber ....

Prof: Ok, what is the question?

Student: Sir, I was making a comment.

Prof: *stumped* thank you

Section D

Student: Pricing in India is done like this …..blah blah blah blah ………..

Professor: ** Disagreeing with Student ** No but ideally it should be done like this ….blah…..blah….blah……

Student: Sir that happens in America cause it is a capitalist country and I come from a socialist country (what the F !)

Section E

Professor fights back. Some killer responses by the Prof:

1.       The biggest hell was created on earth when someone tried to create heaven.

2.       Society didn’t become greedy suddenly after 2006. It was always greedy.

3.       “Ex-ante” …  if you were an investor in 2006 & I took you back in a time machine …

4.       This is for my “mathematically inclined” friends who want to see the world in a complicated way.

5.       I believe, for 20 bucks a day, you could hire a guy to do the integration for you.

Section F

[Last week] Prof presenting his research. He came to a graph of employment rate in the US over time. At which point this guy butts in with something like “But sir, when I was working in the US….”

And Prof was like “This data is prepared by BLL… go fight with BLL…I did NOT prepare this data… C’mon guys… u shud know when to bring in your personal experiences….”

For the Batch

1. Medical Advice (from a non-Doctor) on Campus regarding Swine Flu: Please take necessary Porkautions !

2. The ever enthu guys of a Section - as usual decided to gift something to a professor. As at all times :

-          More than 100 mails were exchanged [At the time of going to press I mean]

-          A poem was written for the prof

-          Some cool dude thought of gifting the professor a bathroom tile with the prof’s picture on it [Hey man – I am sure he has a mirror to see himself every day ?]

3.     How must a sample mail from the GSB hopeful should look like [for illustrative purposes only. Not to be copied. including comments]

A lot of you have been enquiring (21 to be exact!) [Official Census figures including the Dean himself] if I was running for the GSB President [If not Kalam then you] Several of you also said that I should take up this responsibility [No we were begging…Please, Please..Without you IME will not survive even 1 day. Save our planet] . After careful deliberation, I have finally submitted my vision for the GSB President [ I am a visionary whose vision is scary]. The responsibility holds no personal gains for me [Except that - You'll see me getting A McKinsey job which is not technically a personal gain, it is for world peace] rather it poses the challenge of coordinating the multiple aspirations of our very diverse batch [Overplayed card] . Delivering meaningful impact to the larger society [Hey, you know where I get this line from? I heard this in one of the Obama speeches] in my own small ways  has been my focus before coming to IME [I used to organize diwali programs in my neighbourhood before coming here] and the need and opportunity to recreate the same magic here has led me to this decision! [ Move aside Jadugar P.C. Sarkar]

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-18]

Section - A

1. Sir:  ** Explaining about powerful channels **

Stud: Sir, I was with an FMCG company [Oh !! Achievement !] and Walmart was our distribution channel [Wow!! Take a Bow). They used to twist our hands so that we make innovative products [Iodex sales hit an all-time high] How do we tackle such channels who force us to innovate [And we thought that innovating is a good thing!]

Sir: ** Part stumped ** Isn’t innovating a good thing? [It would soon be outlawed]

2. ** During Marketing mid-term exams the clock was running 10 mins slow. So people were arguing with invigilator before exams started to let them start as it was already 2.30pm as per their watches **

     Invigilator: I am going to start at 2.30pm on this watch and end by 4.30pm on this watch.

     Student 1: Then most of us will pray that the clock comes to a standstill before 4.30pm

    Student 2: Dude, this is written exam. There are no points for Arbit CP.

Section - B

1. Mktg Prof: ** Asking people as to who all have done "cold-calling" at their jobs. Lot of enthu junta. Points to one of them and asks which industry **

Student: Ours was Customer to Business [See the irony. Customer Business wale ko shendi lagake maal bech raha hai]

2. Prof: Why are we trying to teach you a new & different way of thinking?

    Student: For RoI

3. Prof: What is rationality?

   Student 1: Inherent in-built set of conditions 

   Student 2: It is the idea of a reason

   Student 3: It is about behaving rationally

  Student 4: So is economics irrelevant to irrationals ?

4. Prof: ** Discussing about indifferent curves **

     Student 1 : Why cant we call it happiness curves ?

     Student 2:  I have a doubt about equally inconsistent curve.

     Prof: ** stumped but explains to him that its indifference curve **

     Student 3: Isnt this curve the reason behind economic recession ?

     Prof: ** stumped and silenced **

5. Prof: ** Discussing about Consumer Behaviour. Shows picture of urinal with a picture of fly in it **

     Student: Why is it a fly ? 

Section - D

Arbit email of the day which was recalled and resent just to replace the underlined word  with the word in [bold]

"As some of you may recall [since you have been joblessly spamming as well as memorizing names of mail senders in Student_General] my dell laptop got damaged about 2 weeks ago. I have decided to buy a new laptop coz its going to take time to get the old one repaired.

So I’d like your help. If you guys know of any good and/or new models or cheap [good] [good and cheap are interchangeable] deals in Hyderabad I would really like to hear from you. My requirement is pretty standard – lightweight, durable, min 2 GB RAM, Non-Dell. [I wonder which company offers non-Dell models as standard] I’m sure many of you would have looked around a bit when buying your laptop prior to coming to IME. [Nopes, In Obama we trust]

I’m still in the process of narrowing down to 2-3 options after which I will speak with dealers. So any help is appreciated. (Maybe you guys should vote for which laptop I get.. he he.. don’t worry that’s not gonna happen). [Because we''ll probably not even bother clicking]"

2.  Another arbit mail: 

"I almost feel bad for doing this. [stress on almost] I wanted to help in any way possible but I am in the morning sessions and I cannot possibly skip the classes, unless you can get me an allowance [You did the Financial accounting class. Didnt you?]

Sorry again for ditching at the last minute. [Though the minute had passed away and you asked only E, F, G & H to respond] Let me know If I need to force some of my friends in evening sections [I am taking Karate classes along with Dance classes] to come for this; if you do not have many volunteers."

Section E

1. Nomination for the heaviest jargon laden email:

"The important spirit here is, and needs to be extended to several clubs and activities –

>> Encourage more Target Focus groups who will help position the IME students correctly to cater to the different industry requirements.

I know there are some clubs like Consulting has been doing it well, but there hasn’t been enough momentum created in the past batches for this to be extended to multiple sectors, which is the need of the hour!!

I think the Tech and Telecom group has taken a heads up lead, which shall help us create significant momentum in the coming months.

Again I think we need to create processes to give Focus groups some autonomous behaviour and agenda, while coordinating their efforts along with the other activities of the umbrella club."

2. Nomination for the most pointed and specific mail

"I have lost my spectacles today. Request whoever finds it to notify me and let me know." [I am proud of you ! Good description on how your specs looks. Consider a career in working for Lost and Never Found department]

Section G

Mkting Prof while teaching ‘Price Engineering ‘ – So, why do you think this company has decided to decrease the price every week, and has declared it to its customers on the first day itself……

Student – Sir, the difference in prices is the price of gas, the customer will spend to come to shop again…. People might not prefer it…. You know, in US, time is very precious !! [Dude, we know you worship US but time is precious in India as well]

Section H

Arbit email nomination to the guy whose phone is broken so he has shared his pain as well as contact number with the entire Co2010. Get ready for another deluge of mails from people who soiled their pants, tore their T-shirts, burnt morning breakfast etc etc

GSB Special Section

1. How do you get know that more than required people are standing for the GSB post ?

1.       * When in a marketing class the number of hands that go up to answer “ who’s up for GSB “ is more than the ones up to do Arbit CP.

2.       * When In a birthday dunking – more GSB aspirants turn up to dunk the birthday boy/ Girl than the section mates.

* When the same number of people turn up as  you call the words-  Gaurav, Saurabh , and GSB  president

* When you cant walk 5 mins before being mobbed by a aspirant who starts by saying 

   "It’s to let you know, I am contesting for the GSB President. I value your inputs and would like to hear from you over the next week by talking more about my background, values and the difference I will bring to the GSB."

2. About 2 dozen hopefuls at assembled today at Bhoopali Conference room in the CCA office

     Shiv: What questions do you have?    

    Major Om Shanti Om: Sarovar .. blah blah .... 

   [This year GSB president will cook for us to win votes. May the best cook win] 

3.  Fry-yank: As a batch we want to leave legacy behind. We want to make IME carbon neutral. [What the F will Oxygen do?] One of us in this room will get elected [I pray that it is me] and carry this forward [Class of 2008 Lounge, Class of 2009 Amphitheatre, Class of 2010 Carbon Bullshit]

4. P-foosh: ** Damn the devil is sitting here ! Better not say anything lest he connect it to London Loo ! **

5. Twenty-Tunn makes a entry: Yesterday there was a mail on 100% mandatory Attendance. I want to make it a poll issue. After I get Tunn at nights how can you expect me to turn up for classes?  

6.  Okshut: Can I form my government with outside support ? I sent a fundoo sounding but frustoo looking mail on Economics to entire student community (that too a day after mids ! Talk about getting a life) including both the Profs. They'll support my campaign I know !

7. Nakli Nivas: Though I want to stand but seeing all these people I should not disclose that I am standing. Let this come as a surprise. Probably the shock value will win me votes !

8. Pinja: Damn ! I am at the wrong audition again ! Where is Anu Malik ?

9. Homnath: Why cant we have preferential voting? My marketing plan is to position myself as second preference candidate so that people end up voting different people as first choice and only me as seconf choice. That way I'll win !! What a idea, sirjee !

10. Prankaj Fodder: Damn ! I wanted to build Jumbles Nivas as our legacy ! Now I'll have to convince the dean and others and proabably offer them 1-BHK flats in the vicinity too ! This is my unfulfilled wish from Virginia Tech days when I was treasurer !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-13]

Section B

1. Prof: ** discussing slide on takeaways on subject and asks me the reason why a certain thing happened **

    Me: ** Didnt know the answer so till then shouting arbit stuff among the crowd conveniently presuming that Prof will not specifically point at anyone. But just my luck ** I think its because of elasticities of Price ! [A new concept worthy of Nobel prize] 

2. Prof: Whats the optimum range of Heart beat rate ?

    Student: 80 -120

     Prof: I asked for Heart rate ... not Blood pressure

     Class bursts out laughing. Student looks at me and begs for mercy [not today my man]

3. Prof: ** continuing on Heart rate ** so the formula used by doctors is HR  = 220 - Age. But actual formula is HR  = 208 - 0.7Age. You know why it is not used ?

    Class: ** silence **

    Prof: Because doctors can't multiply ! [ouch, Doc ! That must have hurt] 

4. Prof: ** narrating story on his graduate days ** My roommate was Italian. He had to go home as his Father had passed away and his mother was alone. They brought the coffin home. Just then earthquake hit. The coffin started shaking. The Mother got excited and said "Oh he's moving ! He has become alive".

Class laughing. Prof then turns back to write on the board. The backside board started sliding upwards. Prof couldnt understand so say "I think something is moving"

Section E

Arbit email .. someone wrote this while the section was thinking about how to thank Prof ! 

“Yes, also we are doing a quickie for Prof. due to limited time, but there is a need to probably institutionalize the process with innovative ideas customized depending upon the prof.

The profs here are a gem, and we are fortunate to have their gyan, so we should not just give them a momento, but also strive to establish a strong lasting relationship with them"

[absolutely speechless ! whatcha doin here ? You are already MBA]

For the Batch

Exclusive: A sneak preview into GSB Prez aspirants' manifestos

PP: I am going to be a Cats and Dogs person and at the least build a small shelter for Jumbles and make sure kitty get Pringles everyday for food. I'll be IME's first Proactive Prez who was reactive by nature. 

NJ: I will rebrand Goel into Aussie style Mc Donalds. You see brand builds certain associations in people's minds and they can stretch it to shit. The food is gonna be the same but you see when McDonalds will serve you shit, you'll eat it happily.

Pinja: Hey ! I am Pinja and me going to be needing your votes. To vote for me Type Ninja and send it to 52525 or BSNL users can vote on 1800-420-840-01. *Somebody prompts something* Shit ! This is not Indian Idol ?

Twenty-Tun: I am going to build Beer taps around the campus. The batch will forever be branded as Class of TwentyTun ! And you better vote for me ! Remember my Jeep and what a vehicle like that can do (* hint: Karz *)  

Pee-foosh: This place needs a lot of infrastructure overhaul. For e.g. Look at the Loo here. I wanna make them so posh that people will start living out of them !

Fry&yank: I always thought that seats in Classroom was for doing weird dances around it and I believe it should stay that way. Till I win votes I am going to use those seats for sitting as a mark of protest !

Arrr-peet-diya: I am going to sing Zombie and make everybody feel like a zombie in case the Mid-terms dont do the trick. Zombies cant think and if they cant I can brainwash them into voting for me !

Bakwas Bandh Karo [May-12]

Section A

1. Prof: So what do you think Kodak should do to prevent loss of contribution ?

     Student: Sir I think it is impossible !!!

     Class: huh ??

    Student (continues): Sir, America is a capitalistic economy [and we thought Adam Smith was dead ] .. in such a scenario, every company wants to maximise profits but they cant [in IME every one tries to be GSB president but cant..big deal..come to the point] FUJI will start price war and Kodak will succumb [bottom line: if u earn profits you are SC*****].

2.  Prof: So what do you think? Should we launch Fun time or not?

      Student: Sir, Why did Amul launch condensed milk in India ??

      Prof...(nostalgia hitting him hard as he worked in Amul at the start of his career): Excuse me ??

      Student: Sir, why should condensed milk me launched in India when we always boil milk....it shud be launched in USA cause they drink it raw...

      Prof: I have to check with my 20 year old back boss on this..

Section E

The whole section got emotional on what to gift to the Marketing teacher who had his last class. 58 mails were exchanged in all amongst the students of the class. And a poem written as well for the professor :

 

Dear Marketing professor

Met you two weeks ago

Fresh from all the fun

A race from the word go

And now we’re done

 

Quite a task you’ve had

Reining wild horses in

The first time is the worst

Now we’re broken in

 

Tomorrow you’ll leave

And we just want to say

Thanks for being referee

And keeping chaos at bay

 End result : No Conclusion ! Utter Chaos on what to gift and total waste of people’s time who ended up reading all these 58 mails

Section F

A email nomination for mail sent to 2010 on food:

I and a few others have tried to improve the food by talking to the Sarovar chef during the last week [ Yes, talking helps. Ask the Marketing fellows who have made careers out of yapping]. Honestly, the chef seems to be at a loss of ideas. [Maybe he mixed that with Sambar] I request everyone to please come a bit prepared with ideas, [come with the recipe books] so that we have a fruitful [lots of fruits will be cut and different types too] meeting in which we are able to provide some specific directions to the chef to work on. [And I am not talking of Vastu alone]

Section G

Student realizes break is over in Stats class and he pops into the class and then zips across the teaching well to his seat [as if it’s school and the teacher will get angry if he’s late], in the process startling poor Prof and almost knocking him down. Student sits down and the Prof. jokes “That didn’t scare me!” 

Section H

1. Student: Kodak’s advertising strategy is ‘touching on the feeling side’ [Oh thats a dangerous side] and ”Some things in life are priceless" 

1)      2. Stats’ professor explains how a particular data leads to a distribution with high variance.

Student: Sir, what is its physical implication? 

Prof. is unsure of what “physical implication” of high variance means and so he repeats what he said and adds, ”That’s all I can tell you. Its mathematical!”

2)      3. A student says “Sir, I am just trying to wonder……” and then stops for a second to wonder just as the whole class bursts into laughter.

3)     4. Student 1: “Sir, could you please repeat what you just said?”

 Prof: “I forgot what I said.”

 Student 2: “Sir, can I add something to what you said?”

 Prof: “No, I’ll forget that too.”

5.    5. Stats prof: Let’s recap what we did last time. What do we require to create confidence intervals?

     Student (who also likes tandoori chicken and can sleep with his eyes open): Sir, you need confidence!

6. Prof: finishes explaining why a price strategy is not the best idea for Kodak and also that too much differentiation between “special occasion” film and “regular use” film wont lead to results because people don’t change the film in their cameras everytime for different needs.

Student: (very seriously) Sir, that is exactly why the whole market shifted to digital cameras!

(Prof is speechless.)

7. Eco prof: Finishes explaining his theory on how the prolonged interest rate cuts led to a situation where Pc > Pd etc etc and this is why we’re in a recession.

Student: Sir, I think the real blame lies with China because it’s responsible for providing manufactured goods at such low rates that the producers in the US economy were forced to shut down. Also, it indirectly financed the overconsumption in the US by investing in their T-bills and securities.

(Everyone thinks: Wow, way to miss the point completely!)

Not exactly a arbit mail, but this is what you can call a 'Tubelight' mail

"I had left the case of my Salvadore Ferragamo sunglasses in one of your backpacks (during treasure hunt). I lost the person, who’s bag I kept them in." [Time between loss and batti jalne mein: Almost a month]

One for the Batch

We had an outside speaker give a presentation on design and innovation. He put a slide on the projector:

Invention + The Human Context = Innovation

And walked us through that when you take an invention, tinker with it some, it leads to an innovation.

Student question: “Sir, you speak of the human context, but what if I were to invent something for a cow or an elephant, would that count?” [ way to go Einstein]

Caution to Presidential Candidates (especially the Lalloo Panjoo ones): Election seasons here. Be careful of what you say from now on! I am watching !